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53 lines
6.5 KiB
Markdown
53 lines
6.5 KiB
Markdown
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# The Bashphorisms
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Bashphorisms are aphorisms for the IRC channel `#bash` on Freenode. Keep
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in mind that this version is a snapshot, the bashphorisms are changed
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here and there. Also, [another
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snapshot](http://mywiki.wooledge.org/BashFAQ/064).
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I think `greycat` was the first one who had the idea, but I'm not sure.
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Our bashphorisms can be queried from `greybot` using `!bN`, where `N` is
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the bashphorism number.
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And yes, these bashphorisms reflect the daily reality in `#bash`.
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| Number | Bashphorism |
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|:-------|:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|
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| 0 | The questioner will never tell you what they are really doing the first time they ask. |
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| 1 | The questioner's first description of the problem/question will be misleading. |
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| 2 | The questioner will keep changing the question until it drives the helpers in the channel insane. |
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| 3 | Offtopicness will continue until someone asks a bash question that falls under bashphorisms 1 and/or 2, and `greycat` gets pissed off. |
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| 4 | The questioner will not read and apply the answers he is given but will instead continue to practice bashphorism \#1 and bashphorism \#2. |
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| 5 | The ignorant will continually mis-educate the other noobies. |
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| 6 | When given a choice of solutions, the newbie will always choose the wrong one. |
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| 7 | The newbie will always find a reason to say, "It doesn't work." |
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| 8 | If you don't know to whom the bashphorism's referring, it's you. |
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| 9 | All examples given by the questioner will be broken, misleading, wrong, and not representative of the actual question. |
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| 10 | See B1 |
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| 11 | Please apply `(( % 10 ))` to the bashphorism value. |
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| 12 | All logic is deniable; however, some logic will \*plonk\* you if you deny it. |
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| 13 | Everyone ignores greycat when he is right. When he is wrong, it is !b1 |
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| 14 | The newbie doesn't actually know what he's asking. If he did, he wouldn't need to ask. |
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| 15 | The more advanced you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it. |
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| 16 | The more beginner you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it. |
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| 17 | A newbie comes to \#bash to get his script confirmed. He leaves disappointed. |
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| 18 | The newbie will not accept the answer you give, no matter how right it is. |
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| 19 | The newbie is a bloody loon. |
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| 20 | The newbie will always have some excuse for doing it wrong. |
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| 21 | When the newbie's question is ambiguous, the proper interpretation will be whichever one makes the problem the hardest to solve. |
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| 22 | The newcomer will abuse the bot's factoid triggers for their own entertainment until someone gets annoyed enough to ask them to message it privately instead. |
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| 23 | Everyone is a newcomer. |
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| 24 | The newcomer will address greybot as if it were human. |
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| 25 | The newbie won't accept any answer that uses practical or standard tools. |
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| 26 | The newbie will not TELL you about this restriction until you have wasted half an hour. |
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| 27 | The newbie will lie. |
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| 28 | When the full horror of the newbie's true goal is revealed, the newbie will try to restate the goal to trick you into answering. Newbies are stupid. |
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| 29 | It's always git. Or python virtualenv. Or docker. One of those pieces of shit. ALWAYS. |
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| 30 | They won't show you the homework assignment. That would make it too easy. |
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| 31 | Your teacher is a f\*\*king idiot. |
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| 32 | The more horrifyingly wrong a proposed solution is, the more likely it will be used. |
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| 33 | The newbie cannot explain what he is doing, or why. He will show you incomprehensible, nonworking code instead. What? You can't read his mind?! |
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Please feel free to correct or extend this page whenever needed.
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