# The Bashphorisms Bashphorisms are aphorisms for the IRC channel `#bash` on Freenode. Keep in mind that this version is a snapshot, the bashphorisms are changed here and there. Also, [another snapshot](http://mywiki.wooledge.org/BashFAQ/064). I think `greycat` was the first one who had the idea, but I'm not sure. Our bashphorisms can be queried from `greybot` using `!bN`, where `N` is the bashphorism number. And yes, these bashphorisms reflect the daily reality in `#bash`. | Number | Bashphorism | |:-------|:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 0 | The questioner will never tell you what they are really doing the first time they ask. | | 1 | The questioner's first description of the problem/question will be misleading. | | 2 | The questioner will keep changing the question until it drives the helpers in the channel insane. | | 3 | Offtopicness will continue until someone asks a bash question that falls under bashphorisms 1 and/or 2, and `greycat` gets pissed off. | | 4 | The questioner will not read and apply the answers he is given but will instead continue to practice bashphorism \#1 and bashphorism \#2. | | 5 | The ignorant will continually mis-educate the other noobies. | | 6 | When given a choice of solutions, the newbie will always choose the wrong one. | | 7 | The newbie will always find a reason to say, "It doesn't work." | | 8 | If you don't know to whom the bashphorism's referring, it's you. | | 9 | All examples given by the questioner will be broken, misleading, wrong, and not representative of the actual question. | | 10 | See B1 | | 11 | Please apply `(( % 10 ))` to the bashphorism value. | | 12 | All logic is deniable; however, some logic will \*plonk\* you if you deny it. | | 13 | Everyone ignores greycat when he is right. When he is wrong, it is !b1 | | 14 | The newbie doesn't actually know what he's asking. If he did, he wouldn't need to ask. | | 15 | The more advanced you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it. | | 16 | The more beginner you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it. | | 17 | A newbie comes to \#bash to get his script confirmed. He leaves disappointed. | | 18 | The newbie will not accept the answer you give, no matter how right it is. | | 19 | The newbie is a bloody loon. | | 20 | The newbie will always have some excuse for doing it wrong. | | 21 | When the newbie's question is ambiguous, the proper interpretation will be whichever one makes the problem the hardest to solve. | | 22 | The newcomer will abuse the bot's factoid triggers for their own entertainment until someone gets annoyed enough to ask them to message it privately instead. | | 23 | Everyone is a newcomer. | | 24 | The newcomer will address greybot as if it were human. | | 25 | The newbie won't accept any answer that uses practical or standard tools. | | 26 | The newbie will not TELL you about this restriction until you have wasted half an hour. | | 27 | The newbie will lie. | | 28 | When the full horror of the newbie's true goal is revealed, the newbie will try to restate the goal to trick you into answering. Newbies are stupid. | | 29 | It's always git. Or python virtualenv. Or docker. One of those pieces of shit. ALWAYS. | | 30 | They won't show you the homework assignment. That would make it too easy. | | 31 | Your teacher is a f\*\*king idiot. | | 32 | The more horrifyingly wrong a proposed solution is, the more likely it will be used. | | 33 | The newbie cannot explain what he is doing, or why. He will show you incomprehensible, nonworking code instead. What? You can't read his mind?! | Please feel free to correct or extend this page whenever needed.