# The Bashphorisms

Bashphorisms are aphorisms for the IRC channel `#bash` on Freenode. Keep
in mind that this version is a snapshot, the bashphorisms are changed
here and there. Also, [another
snapshot](http://mywiki.wooledge.org/BashFAQ/064).

I think `greycat` was the first one who had the idea, but I'm not sure.

Our bashphorisms can be queried from `greybot` using `!bN`, where `N` is
the bashphorism number.

And yes, these bashphorisms reflect the daily reality in `#bash`.

|Number|Bashphorism|
|------|-----------|
|0|The questioner will never tell you what they are really doing the first time they ask.|
|1|The questioner's first description of the problem/question will be misleading.|
|2|The questioner will keep changing the question until it drives the helpers in the channel insane.|
|3|Offtopicness will continue until someone asks a bash question that falls under bashphorisms 1 and/or 2, and `greycat` gets pissed off.|
|4|The questioner will not read and apply the answers he is given but will instead continue to practice bashphorism #1 and bashphorism #2.|
|5|The ignorant will continually mis-educate the other noobies.|
|6|When given a choice of solutions, the newbie will always choose the wrong one.|
|7|The newbie will always find a reason to say, "It doesn't work."|
|8|If you don't know to whom the bashphorism's referring, it's you.|
|9|All examples given by the questioner will be broken, misleading, wrong, and not representative of the actual question.|
|10|See B1|
|11|Please apply `(( % 10 ))` to the bashphorism value.|
|12|All logic is deniable; however, some logic will *plonk* you if you deny it.|
|13|Everyone ignores greycat when he is right. When he is wrong, it is !b1|
|14|The newbie doesn't actually know what he's asking. If he did, he wouldn't need to ask.|
|15|The more advanced you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it.|
|16|The more beginner you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it.|
|17|A newbie comes to #bash to get his script confirmed. He leaves disappointed.|
|18|The newbie will not accept the answer you give, no matter how right it is.|
|19|The newbie is a bloody loon.|
|20|The newbie will always have some excuse for doing it wrong.|
|21|When the newbie's question is ambiguous, the proper interpretation will be whichever one makes the problem the hardest to solve.|
|22|The newcomer will abuse the bot's factoid triggers for their own entertainment until someone gets annoyed enough to ask them to message it privately instead.|
|23|Everyone is a newcomer.|
|24|The newcomer will address greybot as if it were human.|
|25|The newbie won't accept any answer that uses practical or standard tools.|
|26|The newbie will not TELL you about this restriction until you have wasted half an hour.|
|27|The newbie will lie.|
|28|When the full horror of the newbie's true goal is revealed, the newbie will try to restate the goal to trick you into answering. Newbies are stupid.|
|29|It's always git. Or python virtualenv. Or docker. One of those pieces of shit. ALWAYS.|
|30|They won't show you the homework assignment. That would make it too easy.|
|31|Your teacher is a f**king idiot.|
|32|The more horrifyingly wrong a proposed solution is, the more likely it will be used.|
|33|The newbie cannot explain what he is doing, or why. He will show you incomprehensible, nonworking code instead. What? You can't read his mind?!|

Please feel free to correct or extend this page whenever needed.